Saturday, February 25, 2012

Life is so mysterious at times...

There are moments in life when we think the world is going to end. We all have them. We can all pinpoint an event that makes us think that life as we know it is over for sure. Most of mine revolve around my marriage, or ending thereof. See I got married first in secret so that I could be added to our health insurance plan so my baby could have adequate medical care. I hated that date. I never recognized it because it felt like a was a lie! Then I got married 2 months later in a "real" ceremony so our friends & family could attend. But it was still a lie, since we were already married. I felt like I cheated my family, I let them down, I robbed myself, and nothing was right. But I was married and committed & I was going to honour that. Then two years & one more child later he left. And on the day that I recognized as our anniversary, I mourned. I mourned all the things that could have been, that should have been, & that would never be. Things *should* have been very very different from the start, there's no doubt about that, they *could* have been very different if we had both made different choices, and who knows what *would* have been. Regardless, I mourned. 

Until today. 

Today I got an email reminder about my acceptance to grad school. Now, grad school is exciting in itself but it's important to note that I would never have gone back to school for my Bachelors if it wasn't for my divorce. I went back to school to ensure a solid future for my children. It was either school, or a life of waiting tables. I chose school. And it's been hard. The last two years have been exhausting and there have been days that I've thought I couldn't push through anymore. Thank goodness I have a select few amazing friends who keep me going! Grad school wasn't exactly my end goal, but here I am about to embark on yet another year to earn a higher degree. Exciting! 

So what was the big news about this email? 

Well, for one it was a reminder to accept the invitation - which clearly I didn't know I needed to do. Oops. But for two, it was an invitation to attend orientation before summer classes start. When is that orientation you ask? Oh my, well, it's the date that would be my 7th wedding anniversary this year. And I was so excited to click "accept" on that form. 

You see, every ending is the start of a new beginning. I don't regret my marriage. I wish things were different, sure, many many things, but I don't regret it. It made me who I am today. It put me on the path that I'm on now, which I have no doubt is where I'm supposed to be. Sure there are days where I wish I had someone to come home to & I wish my children knew what it was like to have two parents in one house... but that's not my path. My path involves being an advocate for others, and the fact that my orientation to complete my education is on a day that once held so much sorrow but now holds so much excitement is just a testament to the fact this THIS IS RIGHT. 

May 21st will forever be an anniversary...but now it will be an anniversary of the day I started down the road to becoming who I'm meant to be. Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can come together.

And I will always celebrate it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy you can have moments of clarity like this in your busy hectic life. Cling to this when it gets tough, because this is what draws so many to you...that incredibl inner strength. Love you, you amazing compassionate strong soul